On Marriage

In the first place, men and women aren’t too careful on “whom they up and marry.” In the absence of any basic training about neurosis, psychosis or how to judge a good cook or a good wage earner, that tricky, treacherous and not always easy-to-identify thing called ‘love’ is the sole guiding factor in the selection of mates.

…There are ways, however, not only to select a marriage partner, but also to guarantee the continuation of that marriage, and these ways are simple. They depend, uniformly, upon communication.

There should be some parity of intellect and sanity between a husband and wife for them to have a successful marriage. In Western culture, it is expected that women shall have some command of the humanities and sciences. It is easy to establish the educational background of a potential marriage partner. It is not so easy to gauge their capability regarding sex, family or children, or their sanity.

In Scientology, there is a test for sanity and comparative sanity which is so simple that anyone can apply it: What is the “communication lag” of the individual? When asked a question, how long does it take him to answer? When a remark is addressed to him, how long does it take for him to register and return? The fast answer tells of the fast mind and the sane mind, providing the answer is sequitur. The slow answer tells of downscale. Marital partners who have the same communication lag will get along. Where one partner is fast and one is slow, the situation will become unbearable to the fast partner and miserable to the slow one.

It may be that another family factor is in the scene. This may be in the person of a relative, such as the mother-in-law. How does one solve this factor without using a shotgun? This, again, is simple. The mother-in-law, if there is trouble in the family, is responsible for cutting communication lines or diverting communication. One or the other of the partners, then, is cut off the communication channel on which he belongs. He sense this and objects strenuously to it.

…Jealousy is the largest factor in breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines* and will do anything to try to uncover them. This acts upon the other partner to make him feel that his communication lines are being cut, for he thinks himself entitled to have open communication line, whereas his marital partner insists that he shut many of them. The resultant rows are violent, as represented by the fact that where jealousy exists in a profession, such acting, insurance companies will not issue policies—the suicide rate is too high.

*Communication lines: The routes along which communications (particles, messages, etc.) travel from one person to another.